This is where I am

I'm looking for a job. I have to, I'm almost broke again. But there's a problem, and it's called OH MY GOD, THAT'S GOING TO KILL ME.

There's a good and solid psychological reason why I left my last job, and it's the same reason I took the job before it and the same reason I left the one before that. I get so bored. I get so frustrated. And then I just can't take it any more. All I really want to do is be myself, make my own living, and be left alone, and that's a huge problem when it comes to working for other people, but business owners will almost never give a new employee that sort of benefit of the doubt.

But I need the money. So I've been looking. Online, in news papers, in person. And more and more, I think I need to start my own business. And then I found Puttylike. It's like coming home--it's not that I'm indecisive, it's that my brain won't be limited for long and my attention is branching, not linear. I know this already from various tests I tool in elementary and middle school, but this is a new context: I don't have to limit. It's not a matter of learning to be linear, it's a matter of learning to let my strengths guide me.

So I'm recasting this blog a little. It's already my place for almost everything that used to have its own blog. And now it's going to be the place where I work on building myself the world I want. Not just losing weight, not just mental health maintenance, but all of it. This is going to be my new world, and I'm going to make it into something I can live off of. You just watch me. I've got the first draft of a Theme in mind for this blog, finally, and I'm going to make it work.

Collecting Acorns

One of the blogs I follow (Well, I say follow. More like get the email and sometimes remember to read it, but always appreciate it.) linked to an old post about how to spread out New Years Resolutions so that they have more chance of actually happening. And that linked to his various updates about how he was doing, one of which referenced Firefly (and automatically got my attention), and then went on to explain this idea of collecting acorns. Basically, it comes down to doing one small thing every day to lead you closer to your goals. This is one of those revelatory moments for me.

I mean, sure, people say to make lists and sublists, and I read a lot about organizing and have an organization scheme for myself and all, but I think I forget that I should also like what I'm doing. And I like acorns--both for their tiny cuteness and potential for greatness, and for their metaphorical uses for the same thing. This is acorn season; I bet I could come up with some reminder-trigger thing with actual acorns in it...

But the point is, I think I've hit a clarity point today. I have a lot of balls in the air right now, and they get overwhelming sometimes. But I can walk for twenty minutes in the morning, and that's an acorn for weightloss. I can apply for jobs I want to do, and that's an acorn for the future. I can write my four pages, and that's an acorn for publication. I can clean one thing, and that's an acorn for getting my damn life in order.

I can do it.