things you should know if we ever get married for your greencard: personal saints

I'm not Catholic. I'm about as far from Catholic as someone can get, being of the general polytheistic heathen persuasion, in a really non-religious and barely-practicing sort of way, but I do believe that when someone does something special for the greater good of the species, that something should be rewarded in some way, and so for the last few years, I've been collecting up a list of what I call Personal Saints.

And most of them are food-based because that's how I roll / that's what's important to me.

Currently, the list stands like this:

Saint Whoever First Burned Sugar and Convinced People To Eat It (patron saint of caramel, toffee, caramelization, hard candies, creme brulee and butterscotch)

Saint Ancient Chinese Emperor Who First Made Tea (patron saint of tea in all it's forms)

Saint First Chick To Make Bread (matron of all breads, yeasts, doughs, baked goods and baking)

Saint Whoever First Though Bad Milk Might Be Good For Something (patron saint of milk, milking, cheese, yogurt, kefir, butter, sour cream, and lacto-fermentation)

Saint Aztec Guy Who First Tried Chocolate and Brought It Back To Town (patron saint of chocolate, chocolate-making, enrobing, moxing weird things in chocolate, Cadbury's, Kinder, Ritter Sport, and cultural misappropriation)

Saint First Person To Eat That Weird Thing And Not Die (patron saint of pineapple, durian, catfish, rambutan, sea urchin, taro, and anything else where you just go "How did anyone even think to eat this?")

Saint Whoever First Thought It Might Be A Good Idea To Drink Things That Had Been Sitting Around For A While (patron saint of fermentation, wine, cider, perry, beer, pickel-making, saurkraut, kimchee, and anything else that doesn't start as milk)

Saint Inventor of Custards (patron saint of flan, cheesecake, Byrd's, pudding, half the ice creams, and several sauces)

Saint Hey We Can Preserve That In Sugar (patron saint of jams, jellies, preserves, sugar-sauces, syrups, Aunt Jemima, chutneys, pate de fruits, turkish delight, sugared-fruits and flowers, candied fruits and peels, and anything else saved in sugar, including when it's used to disinfect wounds and save lives)