meme: 30 things every woman should have and know by 30

Found this on Girl's Guide To, and I think most of it is good advice.

By 30, you should have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life thatdo get better.

By 30, you should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
2. How you feel about having kids.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
8. How to take control of your own birthday.
9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30.

This is originally from a Glamour Magazine article written in 1997 by Pamela Redmond Satran but I think it's fabulous and hopefully some of you agree.

letters to the aether

Dear Semi-Anonymous Weenie,

It's not your job to patrol the internets. I think you have a skewed idea of what this is: We pass on information when we find it and in our free time; this means that sometimes things will get phrased poorly and / or one letter will be switched for another. Deal with it. Because if you want to be taken seriously, this is not the way. And I'm going to keep deleting your comments until you learn that being critical does not mean being a dick, and a civil human being with real concerns is more likely to get responses. Other things you need to learn: this is not a personal attack against you, so shut up with the personal attacks against me; I get paid by you clicking on my page, so if you don't like what I have to say and don't think I should have a job, you can very well bugger the fuck off and leave me in peace; information travels at different speeds for different people, so if you think you can do better, you're more than welcome to start your own page and then you can worry about whether a date was announced already.

No love at all (and alot of pity that your life is so empty that this is what you do with it)

Me.

the goal-oriented plan

I've been, as you know, trying to lose weight and get my life on track. I managed to off about five pounds, which puts me back where I was before I gained it all back again last month, but this life isn't helping-- working at a sweets shop? Really? Has the universe met me? It's making it very hard. And the on-track part-- paying school loans is rough, and working enough to be able to leaves me with little time to write.

I'm the sort that knows where I want to go, but has no concept of the steps in between and I suck at doing things without a defined endpoint and deadline. So I'm setting up the sorts of focuses a pregnant woman might have to get her through the labor pains: a picture, a mantra, an idea to focus on. In true fangirl fashion, I'm going to make myself worthy of David Tennant*.

First things first: I'm pretty sure I outweigh him, despite the fact that he's a foot and a half taller than me, and this cannot be allowed. I haven't managed to get running shoes yet, but I've found a kick-ass yoga studio and I have my rollerskates, and I'm going to work on getting my ass in gear. Again. Because I suck at follow-through**.

Once I'm reasonably thin, and along the way, I'll figure out what to do with my hair (I've already learned how to do flattering make up, and let me tell you, that was something of a revelation).

Meanwhile meanwhile, I'll be working on diversifying my writing: Sure, he's famous now for SciFi, but he started out doing plays, and he's a fan of the drama-acting, so if I'm to gain enough notoriety to be worthy of the funding that will allow the casting of such a well-known actor so I can meet him, I'll have to work on other genres and other medias. I was meaning to start writing and selling scripts anyway, so now there's a goal.

I realize that the chances of getting to actually meet him are slim, and the chances of hitting it off and staying friends, let alone marrying or something, are extremely slim, especially since I don't do well with people I'm in awe of***, but if the opportunity presents itself, I want to be ready. And this is sort of the world I want to work and live in anyway, so there's no reason I can't work toward it regardless.

*... or, at least, the person I perceive when I see interviews with him. Until I actually meet him, it's a moot point.

** Another of the things I'm working on improving. Because, regardless of who or what my focus and goals are, I've known since at least high school that I'm not the person I want to be, and I've learned ways to bend myself to my own will and get closer-- it's like I'm two people, one lazy and kind of melancholy, and the other driven, but scattered. I just need to learn to get these two working together so I don't have to work so hard at it. Self-improvement the Sami way.

*** I'm getting better!

bleargh

This is a conversation I had with my Uterus yesterday:

Me: (at work doing at-work things)

Uterus: Hello! Remember me?

Me: Why does my back hurt so bad all of a sudden?

Uterus: I said hello! I know it's been months and months, but I thought I'd pop in and see how you're doing.

Me: T-- I need to go to the bathroom right now can you take over my register?

Uterus: Look, I brought this gift for you! You can still have babies!

Me: Uuuugggghhhhhsssssssss....

And so here I am, my only day off work this week, all sore and squishy and not really up to doing much of anything. So I think it's time for a Letter to the Aether!

Dear Uterus (I'm going to call you Bertha from now on).

Dear Bertha,

It's nice to know that at least one of my ovaries is still functioning, true, but it'd be nicer if you'd give me just the teensiest bit more warning before dropping in after three months. Like, an hour before hand when I'm getting ready for work, and noticing that my bra isn't fitting right-- that's not enough warning. You're just lucky I had a pad in my purse, because that's my only pair of khakis for work, and I'd be very put out otherwise.

Love, Me

ps: If I wind up on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant because of you, we Will Have Words.

letters to the aether

Dear Body,

I know it's been years since we had an official yoga class, and I know that it's not often that we intentionally contort ourselves like that, but come on. Where did all our balance go? Where did all our stamina go? When did our thighs get so fat that we can't bend easily over them, and when did our boobs get so big that we can't do any of the chin-to-chest poses without smothering ourselves in them? And when did our butt get so huge and heavy that even attempting and failing a shoulder-stand is exhausting?

This cannot be allowed to last. Tips better be good so I can afford at least one class a week, or we're never going to get back in shape. Because the threat of diabetes and the already-present hormonal imbalances are made worse by all this fat, and now they're saying that people who don't exercise have higher chances of breast cancer, and I've got too much breast tissue to be messing with that.

But on the other hand, there were only a few poses that we totally gave up on, and I'm proud of us for that. We're not as flexible as we once were, and Kate is much rougher on us than Lupinetti was, but even getting near to the Warrior poses was pretty awesome, and even when drenched and dripping with sweat, Downward Facing Dog is still pretty great. And during Om-ing, we all came into tune with each other and rang those walls like a bell, and during cool-down meditation, I started feeling my way back into the old balancing pathways, and that was a welcome skill to find I still had. Thank you, body, for that one.

Love,

Me

that's one steep hill there...

In my head, I've got this list of all the things they never tell you when you're a kid and you want so badly to grow up. The one that's been plaguing me lately is that no one ever really told me when I was eleven and I wanted to be a writer that getting there is really hard. Like, not just a rough and narrow path, but one like this picture-- miles upward, almost vertical.

But you know what? I'm doing it.

I'm pretty sure that I'm not much good at anything else because of the obsessive writing* that means no matter what other job I'm doing, it has to share brainspace with the stories I want to tell, and therefore probably won't get done as efficiently or quickly as anyone wants. The whole world is just going to have to deal with this fact. One day, I'll be able to afford an assistant who gets me enough to keep me on track and remind me that things need to get done** and then maybe I'll be more efficient and less overwhelmed, but for now, yeah. Stories first, then food, then the rest of adult responsibilities.

And I'm stubborn. Really stubborn. I hate when people tell me to be patient, to calm down, or to cheer up. I hate compromise in things as important as what I'm going to do for the rest of my life*** and I really, really hate setbacks and the feeling that I'm not getting anywhere. So I bully myself through stuff I don't want to do, like calling creditors to get payments plans set up that I can deal with and arguing with people on the phone to get financial aid ironed out-- because I'm not passing up a chance to work with people doing what I want to do because of something as stupid as the fact that I don't have money. The point of this is so that I will have money later****, and a better life, and maybe won't wind up one of those bony, angry, used-up women by the time I'm fifty. There's enough other people who have done that; it's not for me.

The upshot: I now have my financial aid payments set up. But it means I have absolutely no wiggle room in my budget, and I feel a bit like I'm suffocating, but I can deal. I'll eat less, sleep less. Breathe less. And I'll get through this again.

* I can't concentrate without a pen and paper around, and I've considered keeping a grease pencil in the shower so I can write on the tiles while I'm washing my hair, which is when alot of my best ideas happen.

** And do alot of the more horrible things like paying bills and calling creditors and balancing the checkbook and making schedules and making sure I get up in the morning...

*** Which will be a very long time because I intend to live to at least 122, and the way science is going, with the growing of replacement organs and anti-ageing DNA therapy and digital immortality, I think 122 is a conservative number.

**** At which point I'll set up a scholarship for writers and a fellowship and so on to fund people who want to do this and are in the same place as me

letters to the aether

Dear cats,

That's just a lizard, and it's on the other side of double-insulated glass, and it doesn't even notice you. I know you're aware that there are approximately seven billion lizards on the back porch, because you crash into the window about seven billion times a day trying to hunt through the previously-mentioned double-insulated glass.

Continuing to do so only makes us think you're incapable of learning, and we know that's not true.

Wait until one of the little beasties crawls through that gap by the door, then have at it; the rest of the time, kindly stop knocking everything off all the desks.

Love,

Me

i've lost track of my life again

It happens periodically. Something just-- slips-- and then I suddenly don't seem to have enough time to do all the things I usually do, like update the blogs and craft things to sell on Etsy and bake for the house and write. You know, the things I actually want to do in my life. I don't know what it is that makes the change; I'll just be puttering along with my day-to-day, and then realize that I've been sleeping an hour later each day, and I've been getting less done before work, and I've been neglecting smaller things like getting the laundry done and typing up those things I had to type and calling those people I had to call...

It's happened again this last week or so. I haven't watched hardly any shows this week, so there's nothing to update for the TV blogs. I haven't finished the scarf I'm making to replace the one that sold, so there's nothing to post on Etsy. I haven't called my mom yet. I haven't finished cleaning my room or putting away the last load of laundry or getting the current one together. I haven't done my weekly Bike upkeep (though I did refill the tires), so the wheels are getting wobbly again, and it's making horrible scraping noises. I haven't cleaned out the dead tomatoes and peppers to get the yard ready for the fall planting that's already late. I've been making the seasonality lists later and later each week. I haven't read anything but one and a half National Geographics, so there's nothing to post in the Book Blog. If it weren't for C, I would have forgotten to order Avon this week-- or to pay them for last week. I haven't finished the dance videos so I can stop looking up routines on You Tube and have a more reliable access to new ideas. Today is the first day I've washed my face in more than a week. I can't remember if I've posted enough articles this week. I never got around to writing any for Texbroker at all.

I'm a mess.

And I don't know why. I just... lose it. I'll have everything down real good, everything smooth and situated, and then one day, it's just not. Part of it is my ongoing computer issues; the poor baby has a memory leak and not enough RAM and needs a new external harddive, and so on. But that's only part of it.

I think I'm going to see about reorganizing my MegaPlanner to see if that helps; a few more days, and I'll need to be printing up the next week's pages and such. And here, to torture myself, is a list of things I need to do:

- call about that second job and see if it's still available

- write more articles so I can make more money and not be so poor

- restart the comic idea and actually get it off the ground now

- figure out if I'm going to write a paper for this year's ICFA and get the proposal in if I am

- find out about the Buffy Con, when it's deadline is, and whether I can make a decent proposal out of the vague idea I have

- start saving for a computer upgrade

- see if I can find a cheap way to invest in a moderately safe environment and make a little income off it

- finish cleaning my room and take the leftovers to Betty

- contact those people about my school loans again

- catch up on all the shows and post synopses

- contact people about reading my stuff on a weekly basis so I have an external need to actually write stuff down

- figure out what I'm going to be for Halloween and get started on the costume soon