Panic Attacks

So it happened again last night. That's two in the last week and a few of the lower-level roving sort in between. Someone said something a little mean to me and it just uncorked, like, half a years' worth of doubt and fear and sadness and annoyance, and I cried for two hours straight, maybe longer. Then spent two hours watching Sherlock to distract myself, and then another hour and  a half not sleeping.

This is what it's like when they're bad.

I know that there are triggers, and I generally know what they are-- certain foods, too much caffeine combined with too much stress, not eating well, being low on vitamins, depression, not writing enough-- but I hadn't realized that it was this bad. It seemed like I was coping, that I was pushing through and everything was fine, and then last night I just fell through the ice and couldn't find the way back up for a really long time.

It's not pleasant, dear readers. But I think I can ease it.

I'm lessening up on the tea / only drinking herbal until I even out again. I'm going to try to eat better, though I don't know how until I can get some income flowing. I'm going to write more; I haven't been writing enough, and it weighs on me and keeps me from emptying my brain and processing things. I'm going to flood my system with brain-friendly vitamins today and for the next few days. I'm going to try to get some time in for meditating. I'm going to try to sleep better.

I've had this condition long enough that I know I can do it. But the day after a bad attack always feels like looking up a steep mountain, and I really just want to hibernate until that mountain erodes to flat land.

End mope.