Almost a new year!

There's a new year starting soon, have you heard? I hear it's something that happens every year. Most of the time, I do t really notice. I stopped making resolutions when I realized they weren't getting me anywhere. Mostly I look forward to a quiet, snowy January after the madness between the start of November and the end of December. But this year! This year, I'm done with how things have gone, and I'm ready to get inboard with that new year vibe, and I w read the Desire Map (working through the workbook over Jan) and I love the idea if making Intentions.

I'm going to try one ideal month, and see if it works. It'll have a writing, crafting, art, journaling, publishing, and self-maintenance schedule, and it'll hopefully be amazing. We'll see.

Do you have your copy of my January guided daily journal questions? Go to www.gumroad.com/pirategirljack to get it, if you want some daily questions to journal through the month. There'll eventually be a whole year of those.

And there will eventually be much, much more wonderful stuff for you wonderful people. Keep an eye on this space.

And if you want, share what you'd like to see or have or talk about? What can I help you with in 2015?

Hexidecimal-color time! - Neat stuff I found on Tumblr

samiholloway shared a post with you Open Open in app trying-to-be-sweet slowdancingangels tentaclecupcakes: dustbats: so my brother showed me this website that translates the time of day into hexidecimal color i could watch this all day 101,541 notes ATTN: Tumblrbot  35 East 21st St, 10th Floor  New York, NY 10010

Sent from my iPhone

Christmas Day, in pictures

Christmas Eve

(Insert pic of traditional Christmas Eve spaghetti I forgot to take bc I was so hungry)

Blue hair!

I finally did what I've wanted to do since high school--got myself some blue hair! It came with a blue shower I had to bleach before it dried, and blue hands, and a layer of blue that turned my pink nail polish purple, but it was so worth it.

See, I feel more myself whenever I do something like this. Change my hair. Pierce something. Get a new tattoo. Whenever I make myself different from others, more distinctive, I feel more whole, and it goes miles toward liking my own skin (or hair) better.

Do you feel like that? Would you get yourself some blue hair? Let's talk.

Fashion - A beautiful dark-mori outfit from tumblr

I feel like, when I was a full time goth in high school, what I was aiming for is what they're calling Dark-Mori and Strega Fashion these days. I mean, to totally date myself, I was goth right when The Cure was deposed by Marilyn Manson, and goth went from lush and pretty and put together to messy and ragged. When it merged with Grunge and Heavy Metal for a minute and came out without the Victorianisms that made me love goth so much to begin with.

Granted, I was in flipping Orlando, which is not known as a center of anything but consumerism and tourism, so I was way out of the heart of gothiness, so maybe that's why there was that sudden and harp shift. It was also the 90s, when fashion and music went bonkers, so there's that, too. And there is a lot about Marilyn Manson to like...

Yeah, but this is still a lot more what goth means to me:

samiholloway shared a photo with you Open Open in app dark-mori hexeknochen hexeknochen: Blackberry Woods by maggiehemlock featuring Vagabond House Boohoo knee socks / H M vintage black purse, $23 / Handmade jewellery / Black flower necklace / Forever 21 crochet fingerless glove / Nars cosmetic / Keiko Mecheri edp perfume, $140 / Lavanila fragrance, $57 / Lip care / Crabtree Evelyn black velvet nail polish / Vagabond House kitchen dining #dark mori #strega fashion #polyvore 180 notes ATTN: Tumblrbot  35 East 21st St, 10th Floor  New York, NY 10010

PS: Somewhere in college, when I was hanging out with art majors and free thinking hippie sorts, I made a conscious decision to add color to my wardrobe. And in grad school, I fell in love with Steampunk when someone called it "when goths discover color".

#mobilepost #postbyemail #emailblogger #goth #gothatheart #mori #darkmori #stregafashion

Blessed Solstice!

Did you know that we once again, as a planet, survived the longest night of the year? I almost didn't notice, I'm so far off of celebrating the solar and lunar days, but past-me set an alarm years ago, repeating annually, and reminded me.

A long time ago, when I was living in a puppy-pile of a commune of a dorm, we would have gone out on the beach, built a huge bonfire, and tried not to freeze as we waited out the longest night to see the sunrise. One year, we saw shooting stars. More than one year, we danced and drank tea and wine warmed over the fire, and roasted apples with honey, and told stories.

This year, I'm feeling...drawn. Both in the sense that I feel pulled too thin across everything, and in the sense that I feel like my spirituality is surfacing again. I'm going to call it a triumph of health over wonky chemistry, because when I was sick and depressed, spirituality was not something I was feeling at all, ever, for years at a time.

I did t light a bonfire last night. Didn't even light a candle (too many cats jumping up on everything). But I did turn out the lights I usually leave on while I sleep, and slept in the natural dark, and when I woke up, I drew five cards to see what the universe had to tell me, and it sounds like hard work but good news.

This week is Christmas, which isn't really a solstice celebration but has a lot of the same themes hidden in there somewhere, under the credit card bills and tinsel. It's a nice contrast for me to have a quiet, private noting of the solstice, and then have a boisterous, food-filled and family-filled Christmas in the same week. Especially since I'm the only one who cares that we survived another long night.

Do any of you celebrate multiple holidays from multiple traditions? Have any of you built your own traditions from scraps and good ideas? Did you do anything for the solstice and will you do anything for Christmas or one of the 20-or-so other holidays at this time of year? Let's talk about midwinter celebrations!

50 questions

1: What would you name your future daughter?

Paisley Sagan. Or Amelia Rose. Preferably both. And I have, like, a running list of fifty or so name I love that I'm totally blanking on right now (which is why I keep a list).

2: Do you miss anyone?

Hay-hay. 

My future husband that I haven't met yet.

My gramma, who died almost five years ago.

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?

I'd probably blush and stammer and mumble thanks, and then probably not entirely believe you unless you're, like, five. Five year olds aren't saying it unless they really mean it.

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

No. I am the one who dumps. But I've never said that because a) only people on tv say that, and b) it's mean and lame, and I'm not either if I can help it.

5: What are you looking forward to in the next week?

Christmas! And a traditional-for-us Cuban holiday dinner of Piccadillo, black beans and rice, and guava-crackers.

6: Did you go out or stay in last night?

In. I'm in most nights; but I stayed at my sister's house for three nights straight before that, and before that I went to see the Hobbit with my brother, so I guess I'm out more often than usual lately.

7: How late did you stay up last night?

Somewhere between one and two, like almost every night. I'm so not a morning person.

8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?

Um, maybe my mom or my sister?

9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?

Making tea and getting ready to wrap presents.

10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?

I don't think so? I'm slow to say that, and if I say it, I mean it, even if it turns out later that I was delusional at te time. I think "I love you" is overused, and while I state all the time that I love things  or shows or food, I don't often say "I love you" to people.

11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?

I could, since I only drink maybe once a month or every other moth these days, but it would make me sad because there are so many awesome new ciders and amazing new rum and vodka drinks being invented these days. Also, it's dumb and prudish to avoid alcohol entirely if you don't have a drinking problem. I grew up in Europe; I like a drink once in a while.

12: Have you pretended to like someone?

Not in a while. When I was super-insecure in middle school and high school, at least once a year. Then periodically in various jobs to keep things non-fighty. Then less and less as I started losing patience with jerks inflicting their jerkiness on me, and pretending to be anything other than what I am.

13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

Definitely. I lit a cig once when I was four--one of my dad's--and that was the end of that. Also, when I was 12 I had bronchitis five times in one school year (I think my school was one of those "sick buildings" because I wasn't the only one), and it left me with weak lungs, so yeah, no.

14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Hay-hay. I texted him a random Bowie line last night and he answered with the next line even though he's been sick for three days.

A2, because he's the funniest little weirdo four year old in the world.

My mom, usually when I'm trying to make her laugh, because she's so easy it's hilarious.

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

If I wasn't sold, no. Once you lose my interest, I'm out. But if I was all in? Whether in friendship or love? Then it takes years.

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?

I've been single for flipping ages.

17: Have you ever cried from being so mad?

Just about every time. I'm not a fighter, I'm a cry-er. I hate getting that mad--it gives me headaches and chest aches and panic attacks. Crying helps get it out without trying to destroy the world.

18: Hold hands with anyone this week?

A2. As we crossed the street before he realize he's a big boy now.

19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

Romantic kiss...um, probably? It's been ages, I don't really remember.

Really, totally, not romantic kiss? Yes, when I tucked the boys in a few nights ago because their mom was working late.

20: Who did you last see in person?

Well, I'm in a room with most of my family and two cats right now, so them.

21: What is the last thing you said out lot?

Out lot means out loud, I guess? I think I was talking to my brother about our niece complaining that she doesn't know what anyone is getting her for Christmas even though that's dumb because you're not supposed to know, and she's be pissed if we just told her.

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?

Maybe that European-style two-cheek kiss, back when I was hanging out with N&S and L and H&A all the time. The last time I felt cool and maybe a little with it.

23: Have you ever been to Paris?

No! We wanted to go when I was in London a while ago, but we only had one free weekend, very limited funds, and the train from one to the other was more than we could afford. I'd like to go, but if the choice was Paris or Provence, I'd pick Provence first. Lavender and Rose wine sounds better than tourists and people who don't really want me to be there.

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Better than I should be. Comes from a history of severe introversion and trying to make it look like I can function.

25: Do you use chap stick?

If you mean it generically, yes. If you mean it by name brand, no, it's too waxy. I use Burt's Bees, or basically any lip balm that comes in a cute little tin.

26: Who did you last share a bed with?

You are very concerned about this stuff.

Probably J a million years ago. As in just sitting on a bed, my mom or my sister, to watch tv.

27: Are you listening to music right now?

Nope, watching the last ep of Craig Furguson on the DVR. Laughing a lot and trying not to be said about it, because I wanted to do something that would get me on that show!

28: What is something you currently want right now?

Chocolate. Sleep. My own house. My big fancy garden. A number of books I'm waiting to see if I get for Christmas before I buy them myself. A whole episode of The Mentalist where they're just being cute and not having to pretend they aren't, before the series ends. Crane and Abbie to stop fighting and get back to stopping the flipping apocalypse.

29: Were your last three kisses from the same person?

I'm done answering kiss questions.

30: How is your heart lately?

Fine, for now. Unless Tom Hiddleston is being the most adorable human being alive, again.

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?

Sometimes. Usually for rain or cold. The baby likes to flip it up and tell me I can't be cold if it's up.

32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

The babies, a few days ago. Non-babies, last time I went to see H&A for their wedding. Lots of hugs then.

33: What do people call you?

Sami, mostly. People who have known me since I was a skinny little high schooler sometimes still call me Pixie.

34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?

Who hasn't?

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?

Basically my whole life right now. Poor. Unpublished. Uninsured. Single. Health issues. Just spent two weeks moving, and the house is still a mess. Cats keep fighting because one thinks it's a game.

36: What are you listening to right now?

Craigyferg and Leno debating Bout whether they're old or people are stupid.

37: What is wrong with you right now?

Headache? I'm cats hung a cold and I twisted my ankle two days ago...

38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?

If you're in it! Or if your fav characters on TV are!

39: Do you make wishes at 11:11?

I keep meaning to, but have yet to ever catch one. I do, however, wish on dandelions and shooting stars and fallen eyelashes.

40: What is on your wrists right now?

All my bangles! They're always there. And I haven't gotten a new one in a while, so I think I'll save up for one of the ones on my wishlist in the new year.

I never wear watches because I kill batteries.

41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected?

We'll say waiting for the unexpected. I'm sure the universe has someone awesome in store for me, I just need to figure out how to get to where awesome people are!

42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?

Gray tank top - Walmart

Big floppy cardi - given to me by a friend years ago, and almost worn to death

Gaucho pants - given to me by my sister

43: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

Nope. I kiss who I mean to kiss and haven't made a habit of kissing people I shouldn't or don't want to. No more kiss questions!

44: Have you hugged someone within the last week?

Lots of family.

45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?

Oh my god. Find something more interesting to obsess over!

46: What were you doing at midnight last night?

Watching TV. Or maybe finishing How To Train Your Dragon 2. I don't really look at the clock every minute of the day, or like, ever some days, so I'm not sure.

47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?

Hell no. Things were way worse six months ago!

48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

Cuddling is nice, but I'm a mobile sleeper--all kick-y and turn-y and restless, so the actuality of sleeping with other people is that about half the time, I wind up sleeping somewhere else, but start and end the night together.

49: Have you ever been to New York?

Nope. I have friends there, though, and want to publish, so I want to go before too much longer. I'm not one of those New York Or Bust dudes, though--my cousin is, and she's moving there when she's done with school, but I'm so not. I like smaller towns.

50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?”

Probably, since they're family!

Cooking links round up - Curry!

I love curry. I have yet to find a variety of curry that I don't like, though I've had some poorly prepared ones (cough Jacksonville I'm looking at you cough), and some that were just way too hot for me. I prefer a milder one, but the mid-spicy ones are good too, and I love authentic Indian ones, but also random assimilated ones like Brittish chip-shop curry.

I went in a link-binge / research-search today, and here's some great info and recipes...

On the three basic foundations of curry: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/oct/31/how-to-make-curry-onion-ginger-garlic-mamta-gupta-back-to-basics-henry-dimbleby

Chip-shop curry, the first curry I ever ate!: http://www.amuse-your-bouche.com/homemade-chip-shop-curry-sauce/

Jamie Olliver's curry pastes: http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/recipe/easy-homemade-curry-pastes/

Panang curry paste: http://www.templeofthai.com/recipes/panang-curry-paste.php

Japanese curry roux: http://www.justonecookbook.com/how-to/how-to-make-curry-roux/

JustHungry giving us what we can get of an S&B clone Japanese curry: http://justhungry.com/formula-making-japanese-curry-powder

All the variations of Thai curry: http://www.templeofthai.com/cooking/curry-by-color.php

We are fina-fucking-ly moved

This has been the worst move ever. Everything that could go wrong has, short of, like, a flood or a major injury (knock on wood), but we are finally finished!

I spent the first half of our move putting stuff into themed boxes and dropping the filled boxes where they were gonna go. And then we hit that holy-shit-we-have-to-be-out-soon phase of the move, and that plan all went to hell, so that I was left with a pile in each room and nowhere to sit or stand or lay down or anything anywhere.

But you know what? That's fine. Because it's like that picture-puzzle thing where you move a piece so you can move another piece, and just by moving stuff around I have managed to set up two bookshelves, a computer desk and a workspace! 

That's the workspace up above--and I'm so excited about it! For the first time in my life, I have a dedicated surface for stuff! For making my nail polish, for writing, for art or journaling or crafting! Only for those things! 

It's amazing.

I've hated every second of this move, but having the chance to decide new places for furniture and better surfaces to work on makes it a little better.

How I get through the holidays with my gluten intolerance

Holidays are hard to keep on diets during, even entirely without food allergies. Having trouble with gluten during a fairly traditional US Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Years season is terrible.

So I negotiate.

See, I come from a family where food is tradition--like a lot of people. Baking millions of cookies is something we have done every year since I was a baby, and the family recipes are all regular wheat-flour recipes. I'm going to investigate GF versions through the rest of the year, but when everyone is cooking and everyone is making their favorite ones I a) am really uncomfortable with breaking up the flow for my own individual dietary needs when no one else has them, and b) not going to give up a rare chance to not have to think so much about what I eat, when the eating is food we only have at Christmas.

NOTE, please, that I have a general and basically low-level intolerance--not celiac disease, and not a full on allergy. I can accommodate a little wheat, for a day or three, with only minor issues.

So here's how I get through the holidays--or any other celebration, because it's super rude to go to a party and not eat the cake when I technically can and want to:

- I get super-strict with my diet when I'm at home, not at a celebration, and stay super-GF and somewhat whole-foods and even vegetarian during the day.

- I moderate the regular eating at the celebration--one piece of cake instead of three, one round of cookies instead of cookies all day for a week. And I don't double up--if there's cookies and cake, I eat less of both, enjoy the crap out of them, and don't get more. I don't eat cookies for breakfast and bread at dinner and cake at dessert.

- when it's past, I go back to the super-strict full exclusion until I feel normal again.

- and I pay attention to how I feel. If I get bloaty, or start hurting in any way, or have panic attacks, or get needlessly bitchy, or if I get really greasy and break out real bad--all symptoms of my intolerance--I stop. Cookies can wait; if I go overboard, I reel myself back in and get back on track.

I understand that this won't work for everyone. Or probably even a majority. For a lot of people, even a low intolerance gets bad with even a little gluten. And maybe one day I'll give it all the way up. But I also know that I do not do well with deprivation at all, but I can moderate indulgence to a level I can handle, and I'm both devoted to food traditions AND super-uncomfortable foisting my issues on others, so I take the risk and totter through the holidays. It's a yearly reminder of why I gave up desserts and pancakes and stuff the rest of the year, and it makes it easier to get back on track in January. 

And I do my research, and correct course as I go. This is my second Christmas on this diet, and I've been applying this plan to the dozens of holidays and birthdays by big ol' family has, and it's helped me keep on track the rest of the time. 

What keeps you on track? Are you a part-time indulger, a replacer (with GF versions), or a total avoider? I want to see how we all fall on this spectrum!

My sister's chicken chili recipe

Yes, this is the same pic I used on my last post--mostly because I had just taken this and then decided to do that post first.

This is the day after, so it's thickened up and is a fork-able food, but the first day it's more like usual chili. It's a sweeter, milder chili than beef chilis, and it's super economical and quick for weekday meals when you have all three kids at home, you and your spouse are working through dinner, and your nanny (me) has gluten issues.

So!

She starts by boiling chicken with adobo and then shredding it; I usually just slice it when it's half-frozen and brown it in the chili pot with adobo, and sometimes chili powder or sazon. There's not real difference in flavor, it's more of a texture difference--and shredded chicken does go further.

So cook up that chicken. Add to the pot:

- three regular-sized cans of mixed beans--we get these at Kroger, and they're a blend of black, pinto and kidney beans. Of your grocery doesn't have that, do one can of each. Keep the juice in, or for a thicker chili, drain half.

- one of the giant cans of condensed tomato soup, or three of the regular sized ones. I haven't tried this with the orange or yellow tomato soups yet, but I bet it'd be good.

- a little water--like one bean-can-worth or less.

- one pack of chili seasoning, the same you get for beef chili. Because chicken is a milder meat, it tastes totally different, less salty and more sweet and chili-ful.

- a few tablespoons up to maybe 1/8th c regular or jalapeño ketchup.

Cook it until it's all boiling, the beans are soft and starting to fall apart just a little, and serve on rice to make it stretch and more filling. Top with cheese and sourcream. My dad likes hot sauce and olives on it, too.

If you like, you can throw in one chopped onion and one or two chopped peppers before of after the chicken, and soften them up a little before you add the beans and wet ingredients. I like to do this, but the kids don't like vegetables, so she stopped adding them--they just won't eat it when they're there.

So that's our lovely weekday fast chicken chili! It holds way for a few days in the fridge, freezes well for later, and serves maybe seven people (at least if two of them are small).

What's your chili like?

Currently...

Eating...this chicken chili leftovers at my sister's house.

Planning...my new planner. After the holidays, I'm getting myself a handmade Midori-style notebook and some inserts, and I have the Passion Planner as a guideline, and Leonie Dawson's Big Beautiful Life + Biz workbooks, and the Overarching Theme Kit from Puttylike, and the Desire Map, and Stargarden's art journaling pages, and I'm going to build a planner-notebook hybrid that finally works for me.

Thinking...about Christmas shopping and how to do it cheap, about when I'll get my supplies in so I can fill orders before Christmas, about how I'll write up that chili recipe in a minute, about surviving the holidays GF (or not), about when we'll ever be done moving...

Dreaming...about 2015 being better than 2014 ever was--because 14 was a lot better emotionally and healthfully, but so much worse financially, and I'm so tired of money problems.

Living...as best as I can half way in two different apartments.

Wishing...it was planting season, because I am so excited about my new garden!

Reading...not enough; this is the time of year when I usually go back and finish what I started before posting the list of books read on my writin blog, but this moving is just killing my attention span.

Drinking...hot tea, because I always am. The cheap Kroger brand is a little smoky, a little malty, and never gets too bitter to drink. And it's like 2$, which is great.

Feeling...cold, in that in-between way where it's too cold for my fall clothes and not quite cold enough for my winter--though today was the first day I wore a scarf all season.

Hoping...we can Christmas-up this stressful, poor, moving-filled winter--and that I can set up a little space for Yule for myself.

Looking...toward those slow winter months when there's no holidays, no family celebrations, nothing external to worry about, so I can work on getting my ducks in a row. Finally.

What're you up to, currently?