Things I've had to accept about my weight

I will never be as skinny as those charts want me to be, as I was, or as society deems appropriate.

Even if I somehow managed to starve myself to the weight those charts want, I'd still not be healthy--I'd be anorexic again.

Anorexia will always be there, a threat waiting for when I obsess too much.

I tend toward round; even when I'm thinner, I'm curvy. I may as we'll run with it.

Health is only part of what's made me so round. Aversion to exercise and depression helped a lot, as did ultra-poorness. All of these need to be overcome.

If I'm never thin again, i can still be okay.

What have you had to accept?

Weekly Weigh-In - 163.6 again!

Almost back to where I was before the holidays! And (hopefully) back on track for losing at least a pound a week, which is what I was doing before the holidays and what I want to be back to now!

Wednesday Weigh In - 163.4! On a food-based holiday week!

It's only two tenths of a lb down from the previous weigh-in, but you know what? It's two tenths down in a week with Thanksgiving and three birthdays--and the birthdays all had cake which is a) one of my main weight-gain weaknesses and b) off the GF diet. I'm basically only making exceptions in the diet for cake these days, and it seems to be doing alright! I didn't lose much, but I most definitely didn't gain!

My bro and I decided that we were going to check out the local Korean market, and when I was there I bought a tub of miso--delicious, delicious, live-food, protein-and-umami-filled miso. Which makes rice even more delicious!

You know, I used to say that I could live off rice. I guess I'm proving it!

Wednesday Weigh In - Right before Thanksgiving!

I'm down another pound! Rice-and-veg-based, wheat-free diet for the win!

If I survive Thanksgiving without getting all of it back I think I'll be okay until Christmas, and then after New Years I have some plans for tightening up again and getting back on track.

How're you guys?

Wednesday Weigh In - 164.9

I broke the 165 barrier! Just a little, but enough that it counts!

I think it's the wheat thing. When I stick to the diet, the scale ticks down, slowly but surely. I mean, Halloween was full of candy and I've been living off of chocolate-covered potato chips the last two days, but I've been better about checking for wheat and it's going down. I don't know if that'll work forever, but it's working now!

Gluten Free Me - What I've been eating

Somewhere on one of the GF blogs, I read the best advice ever: the easiest way to be gluten free is to eat stuff that naturally doesn't have gluten. So that's what I've been doing, mostly. Recently, we've had:

- Potroast and mashed potatoes

- Pork and sweet potatoes with applesauce

- Roast chicken with baked potato and cheddar-broccoli topping

And when something normally has a wheat-based starch, like tonight's hotdogs and beans, I usually just skip the bread. Last night, when we had barbecue beef sandwiches, I had mine over rice.

Lunches are more in my control than dinners, which everyone shares. I eat a lot of soups at lunchtime; it's fairly easy to find GF soup, and ones I make myself are guaranteed to be GF. Plus, home made soup makes use of bones and veggies we have lying around and freezes real well for later.

One of my fav lunches is at the top of this post: toasted corn tortillas with tuna and veggies. I use mostly the pre-flavored tuna, and I find that I don't need to add sauce or mayo or anything because it already tastes good. Then I top it with whatever veggies we have around and nom away! Less that 300 cals, naturally GF and delicious!

I do eat a lot of the standard GF pancakes, and I'm starting to get tired of them; I think I'll try the Bob's Red Mill pancake mix soon. And I do miss cupcakes, muffins and cookies, so I think I'll also try Bob's GF all-purpose flour soon; I found out yesterday that WalMart has it for almost $2 cheaper than Target, where we usually shop.

Day 27 and I'm doing pretty well!

Gluten Free Me - Two weeks in!

You guys, I don't even know what to say about this whole thing other than wow.

I mean, I thought maybe something would change, but this was almost immediate. As of now, my face is way cleared up, and that usual dry grittiness that I've always had on my upper arms and back is greatly reduced. The psoriasis on my scalp is almost gone. I hardly itch at all! I'm used to always itching!

There are days when I feel cruddy, and I think that's a combination of my seasonal allergies kicking in at the same time as my body chemistry is shifting. The last, like, two days, I've been feeling the lack of cookies and cupcakes a lot but I'm going to try making GF brownies to sate that, and I have some Halloween candy for when I get a sweet tooth--which so far is much less than it was before, though not gone.

I'm feeling more motivated and more clear-headed, too, more often. Which is great since I'm just figuring out how to get an agent and get my book published and that needs me to be sharp. It's not all the time, but it's more than it was.

And all of this is more than I was expecting!

Wednesday Weigh In - 166!

I'm down almost four pounds since ten days ago when I started this new diet! I knew that I was feeling less puffy, but four pounds! That's way more than I was expecting!

Yesterday, my brother bought my mom and I lunch at his favorite bagel place. I decided to test it; I was nine days without gluten, lunch was free for me, and it looked amazing. It was delicious. I ate half a sandwich. And then I had a stomach ache and was queasy for the rest of the night. So I guess there is some real sensitivity!

But I also guess it's working and doing good things, so I'm re-committed!

Gluten Free Me - Day 6

It's still too early to tell, overall, but I think I'm doing well. I feel less puffy already, and my cravings for sugar and starchy things are starting to lessen--I gave in and had a candy bar the other day and it was way too sweet and then I felt sort of queasy for hours, and this was just a Three Musketeers, something I eat all the time because it's lower in calories than other candy bars and doesn't have HFCS, which I try to avoid anyway. I'm wondering after that if it's sugar that's the problem, but that will take a doctor to check so I'll add it to the list of things to talk to him about.

I really like the Three Ingredient Pancakes. I made another batch of the banana variety with riper bananas, and I added more cinnamon and just a tablespoon of brown sugar for a double recipe, added flax meal, and cooked them in a muffin tin, and they came out lovely. I have them sitting on the counter so when I'm feeling peckish, I see them and remember to eat them. I'm not feeling hugely peckish though. Not like when I go on a typical diet, and I'm hungry all the time. I'm hardly snacking at all!

Slightly in TMI territory, I noticed this morning that there was almost no gas in my intestines--I hadn't even realized how much I burped and rumbled before, and now that's almost all gone! In less than a week!

The only time it's been hard, this week, is when mom made chocolate-chip muffins and I couldn't have any! I think the next batch of GF-pancakes is gonna have chocolate chips.

Are any of you on a new diet? How're you doing? Or, did you go GF? Any advice?

Wednesday Weigh In - 169.5

Being sick has messed up any headway I made, and when I was at the doctor, I had my blood tested; he says my thyroid is fine! Which is good news, but also troubling news, because I haven't been able to lose weight, and I still have all the symptoms of thyroid under-functioning.

So now I'm faced with a string of future tests to see if there is something else wrong with me and what that something is. But that coats money I don't have, so in going to get super serious with my diet. I'm going to see if all of it is a reaction to something, so I'm going to run some experiments--a month without wheat, a month without dairy, etc, and see if any of that helps.

I'm also going to keep careful records for my doctor (and I'll probably post the worksheets I make up for myself here or sell them in the Shop*). And I'll continue to talk about it periodically here on the blog, too, what works and what doesn't, how I feel, etc.

It's just frustrating, working so hard and not having any of it work. I'm just hoping I don't have some weird chronic thing that won't show up until the last and most expensive test!

Wednesday Weigh In - 168lbs again

How annoying. And sort of embarrassing. I just got back late last night from a two day family vacation where I did not count calories and ate whatever I wanted because it was a vacation and that's what you do. 

But this comes after several weeks of not really sticking to my Thyroid Diet, and not walking or exercising as much as I was before, and the result is that I'm up two pounds from last week, which is three pounds from when the TD was working. And I'm all puffy. And I'm sunburned, which doesn't help me feel well and balanced!

But this is just another example of falling off the wagon and getting back up. I seem to be always falling off the wagon, but I'm also always getting back up, and each time, I try to learn something from my failures. This time, I now know that if there isn't a set schedule, I won't stick to one, and if there isn't accountability, I'll slide.

So I'm back to posting these terribly embarrassing pictures here. And I made a workout schedule to hang next to my writing / blogging schedule. I've found some new things to try, workout-wise, too, so I'll get back to you on that when I see if 1) I'm even capable of the proposed workouts and 2) whether they make me want to die or they make me feel better.

My friend Sy lost a lot of weight and is getting into fabulous shape and I'm inspired (and competitive) to do something useful with myself.

So lets get back on this stupid wagon.