tribute

The Priest said that we should think of Gramma's life and what she taught us, what we think is most important about how she lived it, and incorporate that lesson into our own lives. It's been almost two weeks since That Day When I Was Brave Enough Not To Leave, and I still don't know what I would choose.

I like that she would never complain, but the fact that she didn't is what led to her massive heart-attack: she didn't tell anyone that she had a clot they were trying to treat, and she never questioned the doctors who put her on a medication that might dislodge it. Which is what happened.

I like that she always helped everyone who needed it, and I'd like to do the same, but I'm still in a position of needing help myself.

I like that she was always smiling. Maybe I can manage that one-- smile more, frown less, and the thought processes that lead to each.

I want to be as settled as she was, never having to move because I have the home I want in a place I like, even when the neighborhoods around it aren't so nice anymore. I want to see trees I plant growing up into big towering things. I want to be that content.

I want to be loved like she was and is.

I want to be free to make blankets because I like to.

I want to not have to worry about money.

I want to be surrounded by family when I go.