F1: Prints
F2: Makes monitor only display color in shades of brown
F3: Forces keyboard to slowly ooze Vaseline for comfort purposes
F4: Prints two copies
F5: Buys rights to domain name "sensualpizza.net"
F6: Replaces desktop image with beautiful photo of a mountain that's on fire
F7: Brings up a bunch of Quaker Oats commercials
F8: Substitutes ".pdf" extension with ".hummus"
F9: Predicts how many biological parents you have
F10: Increases internal computer temperature by one degree
F11: Doesn't do anything
F12: Navigates to a website that compiles photos of puppies that are all now ugly, unlovable adult dogs
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