Shonagonisms: Things I know from living with a cat

• You don't own a cat; they just sort of agree to live in your house and act like it's theirs.
• You can't train a cat, but they can totally train you.
• Scoop the litter box all the time--like, every time you look at it--to keep the cat from peeing on anything else.
• Corollary: Keep the litter box as close to the toilet as possible to facilitate easy scooping.
• The stinkier the food and the closer you feed them to your bed, the more the cat will love the food.
• A warm cat on a cold day is proof that god loves us.
• It's totally not weird to refer to cats as 'babies' even after they've been alive for more than a decade.
• Expensive cat toys will be ignored; gum wrappers, scraps of paper, old string, these are acceptable and fun, but only when you're not looking.
• Other cats are all jerks to your favorite cat, even when they're getting along.
• Catbeds are unneccessary; stacks of papers you need to access, narrow spaces that shouldn't be lay-on-able, your pillow when you need it, the middle of your view of the TV, the middle of the book you're currently reading, these are all places for cats to sleep.
• A kitten sitting on your foot is the best reason not to get up and do something you don't want to do anyway.
• Cats can take care of themselves, they just like it better when you do.
• Furry alarm clocks are more accurate than mechanical ones.
• It's totally reasonable to spend a day following sunspots through the house.
• Every cat remembers, from before it was born, that it's related to lions and was once a god. Act accordingly.