shonagonisms: my newest obsessions include...

... the mere idea of a facial soap. Especially one with rose water, charcoal, or some other exotic ingredient my life doesn't normally include. Especially since my face is suddenly a nice thing with soft skin and pretty colors.

... makeup brushes. All of them, even if I don't know how to use them. I've always loved brushes and this only rekindles that love.

... doefoot applicators for lipsticks and glosses.

... lipgloss in general, especially if it smells nice.

... whole wheat toast with greek-yogurt cream cheese and gallberry honey. ::drool::

... getting all the parts and accessories I can for my new (hand-me-down) laptop-- for as cheap as humanly possible.

... the possibilities that exist for revamping my fishtank-- all the plants and statues and lights and other fish and snails and little electric-blue miniature lobsters!

... new, unread, unreleased books. Man, even if I can never make a living off of reviewing, I can totally continue doing it just for the book-snobbery.

... going back to school. It's all I think about-- and all I want to do right now.

... the upcoming trip to IKEA, and whether I'll be able to afford what I want.

... baking. I want to make cookies and bread, and if I didn't have to go to work in an hour, I'd already be all over that mess.

shonagonisms: things that i love include

... miso soup with crispy onions.

... the way trees look when I first wake up and look out my window, all blurry and upside down.

... the sweet warmth of a purring cat on my lap when I'm reading a good book

... baking. Anything.

... suddenly having time I didn't think I had.

... the first use of a new eyeshadow or lipstick. It's always a surprise, always an adventure.

... long socks pulled up over my knees.

... expensive chocolate, and the time to properly savor it, sex-noises and all.

... oolong tea.

... getting packages in the mail, even when I'm the one who ordered them.

... the first few pages of a new book, and the basking after the last few.

... vodka and cran with lime.

... guava wine with soda water. Well, really, almost anything guava.

... the last few seconds of landing in an airplane, when the ground is inevitable, but hasn't happened yet.

... mountains.

... watching roses open.

... fuzzy warm blankets when it's cold.

... finding out small an unexpected ways other cultures differ from ours.

... beautiful things that don't need to be beautiful but are anyway-- stools, bowls, wooden spoons, cake stands, ceiling rafters, stuff like that.

... misty weather and soft green grass by the sea.

day to day: 1-14-2010

Most of the time, I sort of assume that I'm just getting by, that I'm not horrendous, but I'm not really good looking. It's not fishing for compliments to say so (but people tend to think it is and that's why i don't mention it much), it's just how I see myself in the framework of the world and all the beautiful people in it. I don't like the shape of my mouth, or how it looks when I talk or smile, I don't think i'm all that photogenic, and generally my hair is something of a plague theme at best.

But today-- today I think I'm looking pretty cute. I managed to lose ten pounds while I was sick, and I've kept them off as I've gotten better, I started a round of leg exercises yesterday, I only coughed a little right when I woke up, I picked up a job reviewing books (and some of the reviews will even pay!), the lack of humidity has kept my hair smooth and flat, I managed to get a whole shift in today (and, believe me, that's an accomplishment with how slow it's been at work lately), and my waist is down an inch and a half. I'm feeling pretty (tentatively) awesome, and I wanted to share.

Both shirts are from Target. The cleavage is mine, and look! I almost have a collarbone again! I'm not wearing any jewelry today because I was running late for work and didn't have time to decide on any. Today's makeup is my brand new Flip for It compact in LA, the equally brand new Regenerist Eye Kit which Avon sent me for demo (it's a wrinkle-correcting eye cream and a light-deflecting highlighter, and it's not for sale yet), Ideal Shade in Translucent powder foundation, and mark Dew Drench lipstick in Ruby Glaze. Yeah, I totally only have Avon makeup on most days, since I only owned, like, three pieces of makeup before I started selling (::ahem and buying ahem::) Avon. The only things in my hair are a little smoothing spray from, like, three days ago when I straightened my bangs, a rubberband, and a clip for the weird side of my bangs that I'm getting pretty good at denying.

another clean start

I hate making resolutions because they never work. H says it's because I'm not believing in them, but I think it's because a resolution is a monolithic thing, and the idea is to list everything that's wrong with your life, and when I've done that, I've overwhelmed myself with giant walls that can't be altered.

But I do like making lists, and I'm champing at the bit to get something decent out of this year. Here are things I'd like to accomplish:

-- I want to write other things, so I've started work on a screenplay. By started work, I mean I've got the software and a page or so of basic brainstorming, and I'm trying to remember that one class six years ago that told me how to structure a movie. In a bit, I'll learn how to sell it without having to move to Hollywood (although, if it came to that, I'd be one step closer to My Future Husband, who moved there recently. He is a goal in and of himself.).

-- I want to find a better job. Preferably one involving writing and much better pay. Much better. My rate of raises hasn't kept up with the increase in minimum wage and the inflation of cost-of-living expenses, and I'm making base pay and barely surviving, and I'm sick of it. i'm so sick of it, I've considered hooking or getting a webcam or something, because it can't be that much worse, can it? (Considered being the operative word here. I'm not that desperate yet.)

-- I want multiple respectable streams of income, because having my whole life hanging on one thing is ridiculous. Seriously. Preposterous. One person flips out and decides I'm expendable, and I have no income.

-- I'm going to get back to eating better again. I'm still eating seasonally / refreshing the compulsion to do so, and I need to get back to the market and get back to eating fresh, real food. I had a salad the other day, and it was the best thing I've eaten in weeks-- which is sad, because it was just a chain restaurant ceasar, and it shouldn't have tasted so awesome.

-- I'm tired of being fat. This is reaching critical mass. I'm having dreams about being thin and then suddenly being too fat for my clothes and vice versa, and it's horrible.

-- I'm going back to school. This is already a reality. And while there, I'm going to suck all the marrow of opportunity I can out of that bitch. I got the test writing job a few years ago by doing that, and I can do it again.

This year, I'm done with the casting around and being stupid of the twenties. I'm ready to get on with my life already.

2009, the year in review

What a crap year. For every advance, there was always something bad to knock it back down. It's like a Star Trek movie: all the odd-numbered ones suck.

- I did not find love

- I was unemployed for my birthday

- I'm back at minimum wage, and had to get a second job to even hope to make up for it

- I ate seasonally for most of a year until I became so poor that I couldn't even afford the farmer's market, and fresh food has been right off the menu for ages

-Related: I extended my year of eating seasonally so I can fill out the Lists and complete my research before I start shopping the book

- I did not get published, because I did not send anything out

- I got accepted to grad school! I had to push it back, and paying off school loans has made me even poorer than before, but they were kind enough to let me keep my spot. I interpret this to mean they really liked my story-fragment.

- I only got a bad cold once, and that was right at the end of the year.

- We got a new cat and a new dog.

- I started writing articles for Examiner, and made enough money to pay for the Food and Wine festival this year.

- Death is far too common, and I'm tired of people dying around me.

- I took up hooping, and have been moderately successful at keeping it consistent. Have plans to get / make pro-weight ones that will help me work out better.

- My bike was stolen, and I'm on foot again.

- I got my contributer's copy of Fiction International, and my book review was published ahead of schedule, but I didn't get any more commissions from them.

- I started this blog!

- I managed a little more than half of a novel during NaNoWriMo

- I started organizing my brain and my schedule so I can get stuff done.

- I did not travel anywhere; I almost didn't make it to ICFA, let alone anywhere else.

- I saw several movies I really liked, and in the theatre, too!

- I kept a garden alive all summer, but hardly got any food from it, though I did get lots of lovely roses that went into a jar with black tea.

- My ovaries shut down.

- I started reading 100 books in a year, starting on my birthday, and made it to twenty before the end of the year.

- I learned how to make my own limoncello and related liquors.

So here's to 2010 being infinitely better!

lookit this, guys!

TOP SALES OF CAMPAIGN 26!!!!!
#1: Miranda Welden (Valley Head, AL) $387!!!
#2: Lori Burdette (Covington, GA) $329!!!
#3: Renee Guthrie (Orlando, FL) $187
#4: Shalanda Foster (Rome, GA) $176
#5: Jennifer Houston (Orlando, FL) $175
#6: Elizabeth Phelps (Birmigham, AL) $132
#7: Frances Sherry (St. Cloud, FL) $126
#8: Samantha Holcomb (St. Augustine, FL) $114
#9: Tamara Fryer (Fort Payne, AL) $105

I beat my Sales Leader on sales last campaign!!! Help me keep this up by ordering from me, and telling your friends that I'm here, okay? www.youravon.com/sholcomb, or email me at pirategirljack at gmail dot com!

meme: economic stimulus

My Aunt just sent me this, and I wanted to share:

Just in case you get a check....or don't.....lol. Sometime this year, we taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus payment.This is a very exciting program. I'll explain it using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy..

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of Asia ?
A. Shut up or you don't get your check.

Below is some helpful advice on how best to help the US economy by spending your stimulus checkwisely:
1. If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, your money will go to China .
2. If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to Saudi Arabia .
3. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India ..
4. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .
5. If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
6. If you purchase useless plastic stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
7. If you pay off your credit cards, or buy stock, it will go to pay management bonuses and be hidden in offshore accounts.

Instead, you can keep the money in America by:
1. Spending it at yard sales or flea markets, or
2. Going to baseball or football games, or
3. Hiring prostitutes, or
4. Buying cheap beer or
5. Getting tattoos.

These are the only wholly-American- owned businesses still operating in the U.S. Conclusion: The best way to stimulate the economy is to go to a ball game with a prostitute that you met at a yard saleand drink beer all day until you're drunk enough to go get tattooed.

fat girl goes slim: weight, again

As soon as it got cold, I got fat again. Man, it'a annoying. I don't think I'm eating any more than I did before, though I'm probably eating more bad things again, but I'm still being active...

guh.

I need groceries. I keep having to eat at work, which means I'm eating icecream. Not good.

tis the season to celebrate not having been eaten by giant birds

January 9th at noon starts off the Seventeen And A Half Days of Aveomas! We are all very excited. We've got our tree covered in birds, we've got many of our Bought Gifts and we're working on our Made Gifts, we're writing the most terrifying carols, we're planning an Avomas Special to possibly post to the interwebs, and we'll be putting up a post on Wikipedia (mostly to see how long it lasts) and Uncyclopedia beforehand. We've created a secular gift-dealing sidekick. We've added to the Mythos. We're spreading the word.

What is Aveomas, you say?

It's only the coolest holiday every to be celebrated throughout history as of four years ago! See, we all work in retail or foodtail, and Christmas is a horrible time of overwork, screaming customers, much stress and expensive gifts. So five years ago, we suffered through one last Season and decided to call it quits. After that, we moved our gift-giving to a semi-arbitrary date in the middle-to-late January, and we've made a series of myths and stories to make a real holiday of it. Since everything is on sale after Christmas, we celebrate The Search For the Holy Bargain, and get all our Bought Gifts for cheap. And since we were directly arguing against commercialism, we make out Made Gifts ourselves, and that way, everyone gets at least two presents. We celebrate because the Giant Birds have allowed us to exist as a country and a people for another year, and we're hoping to repeat the good luck of not being fed to baby Giant Birds for our insolence. We eat chicken or turkey on Aveomas Night to thin out the competition for the Giant Birds and gain their favor, and because they are delicious and can be bought already cooked form a rotissimat. We try to be good so the Aveomas Faun called Lil Pepe will bring us liquor when he comes, instead of cutting off our feet and pickling them. And we all get together and share in jokes and feathery-meat meals and togetherness and really nice hand-made gifts.

Excellent, right?

You should all join the Aveomas Facebook Page we set up last year, and spread the word all over the world. If Take Like A Pirate Day can catch on, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster can sway minds, so can the Giant Birds!

shonagonisms: how i know that it's winter

- Even here in Florida, it's been cold enough that I can't sleep without three blankets and a cat.

- All the leaves are gone from the pecan tree where my room used to be, and the branches stand out like ink-lines against a paper sky.

- I feel the urge to subsist entirely on potatoes and home-made bread, to hoard food for the Cold Times, to sleep for two thirds of the day.

- My first impulse in food-making each dinner time is 'How about some soup?' and I'm desperately glad that I had the forethought to put up turkey broth and pumpkin broth at Thanksgiving and Halloween.

- My thoughts are turning internal, evaluating, planning, being less outwardly productive, but more inwardly constructive.

- The virginia creeper is all red and orange and has gone lacy with the cold.

- Acorns are everywhere, dying the streets saffron where cars have crushed them into flour.

- Oxalis is coming back up, and the grassy summer weeds are being replaced by wintercress as we speak.

- All the oranges all over the neighborhoods are bright orange and round and heavy, just waiting for a freeze.

- All the cats, and even the dog congregate around the heating vents and tolerate a much closer contact with each other.

- I feel the pull of an ancestral life, where winter is a rest from work and I should be able to bundle up with a hot cup of tea, and focus on a book or an embroidery.