Shonagonisms: Things to assume to make the world more interesting

• Everything vague someone says is actually all they are allowed to say before they give away national secrets (thanks, XKCD!)
• Those strange lights you see out of the corner of your eye when you're overtired are actually reflected off things in a close-parallel universe
• Whenever the internet slows down, it's because someone is borrowing your data to contact alien life
• Cats speak a tonal language that communicates over long distances and so have contact to all other cats with very little effort
• Beer really is a proof that God wants us to be happy
• Weird people are only weird because they're newly-arrived visitors from the future who don't quite understand how we do things yet
• Birds are constantly telling us everyone's secrets, but we just don't understand them