Friday, March 29, 2013

The Art of Womanliness - What Can Manly Men Expect of Women? | The Art of Manliness

What Can Manly Men Expect of Women? | The Art of Manliness:

"In some ways, the new movement towards a return to traditional manliness needs women to be on board to be successful. After all, if you have men opening doors and asking women on real dates, and they’re just laughing in your face, that’s clearly not going to work out too well. And if you have men striving to be their best, but they feel like women aren’t even trying, you’ve got a recipe for creating strained relations between the sexes and bitter and disillusioned men who think all women are an unappealing mess who are not worth the trouble of dealing with (something you already see in certain online communities)."
This article veers a little into men-sounding-like-slapped-babies for the middle part, and tries really hard not to complain about how confusing women are while failing to do that, but this is a good point: if we're expecting our men to clean up and act like gentlemen, if we're cheering them on when they do, why aren't we also cleaning up and being good?

Personally, I don't believe that getting dressed up is sexist, nor to I believe that it's playing into the Patriarchy to want to look good--but I will admit it's a fine line. Wearing a dress you feel like you look good in isn't that far off from wearing a dress you think guys will think you look good in; the difference, as I see it, is in the confidence behind the choice. If you feel comfortable and you think you look good, then you're there, and there's no reason to slut it up or to downplay the sexy. Just be sure that your ideas are well-considered, and that they come from you, not from outside opinions--man or woman--or from the totally artificial images in ads.

But back to the point; fair is fair, and if we expect men to put in a little effort, we need to be willing to do the same. A guy in a nice suit shouldn't have to drag around a girl in a stained sweatshirt; the level of effort involved isn't fair, and the equality isn't there.

Because I think that's what The Art of Manliness--and all the posts on The Art of Womanliness in reaction to it--are missing; this whole gender issue is about fairness, and something close to equality. And it's about giving a damn. And it's about meeting in the middle.

If we're all 100% equal, then we're all slobby morons, but if we want to try to be better, and I do, then we should be willing to be better together. If we want our men to be better people--the husbands, the sons, the brothers, the coworkers, the friends--then we have to treat them better, and we need to be better ourselves. Women complain about double standards, and there have, historically been some really bad ones, but wanting a guy to be nice to you while you scream and harp on him is not fair; that's just switching the double standard in your favor. It's still a double standard. That's not even sexism, that's a basic issue of being a good person, of respecting others.

So yeah. Don't let a guy use that against you, because a guy who only cleans up and treats you well as a matter of hostage to get you to behave how he wants is Not A Good Guy. But a guy who puts in an effort at grooming and honor and being upstanding should get the same from you--not because he strongarmed you into it, not because he deserves it, but because the proper way to treat someone who treats you well is to treat them well.

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