Friday, April 6, 2012

How to be happy

I'm learning more and more what I've let slide, and today I feel like I've made progress. Here's some things that I know I need for happiness, that I've been ignoring too long:

  • Integrity--Not just honesty, but standing up for what I think is right--or against what I think is wrong. I've been too passive here.
  • A feeling of growth--I have most definitely just let myself drift. Getting back in school has made me notice that this one is really lacking. I need to grow in all directions; my life needs to be improved by all the work I do.
  • Finding and following my Passion--I've got writing, but I need other passions. Other things easier to build a life on. What do I really care about?
  • Comfort in my own skin--I've literally spent years now going 'ugh, I'm so fat', but not doing much about it. I need to find active things I like doing, because I'm lazy and I won't do it if I don't like doing it. And people to do those things with, who matter to me. As soon as J moved out, I lost all interest in the gym.
  • Less structure, more fun--Also, more exploration, and less worrying about not getting stuff done. Or, more precisely, a way of getting things done that isn't a strict schedule, because those kill me after only a week or two. And then I'm useless for an equal mount of time, and that's not good for anyone.
  • A life outside the home--But one on my own terms. One where I'm doing things I chose to do because I wanted to do them, rather than things that are really someone else's idea of fun. I have no idea what my own are just yet, but I recognize that I need to find them, and that's a step in the right direction.
  • Inner peace--I'm too worryful, too anxious. I need to reconnect with the small amounts of spirituality and philosophical thinking I'm inclined to, and work on rising out of the funk. Again. 
On a certain level, I feel a bit like I'm 16 again, looking for the same things, but with different ideas of what they are. I suppose that it makes sense, since I'm 32 this year, which is twice-sixteen. Parallels and all that. But this time around, I'm going to do better. You watch me.
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